I take the bottle of sleeping pills and empty it into my hands. Theres a bottle of water next to me and i just sit there stareing at the pills. Theres so many things running through my head. Would it be just like I’m going to sleep but never wakeing up? Will if hurt? Is it peaceful? What if its not enough to kill me? What if it is? What will happen to the people who care about me? What happens if I fail? Theres so many questions that I don’t know the answers to. So I put all but one pill back in the bottle take a drink of water and swallow it. I put the bottle back in my drawer where it sits safely.
Its like nothing helps me. I’m really starting to feel like theres no point anymore. People will survive without me, they’ll probably be better off. I just don’t know if I have the courage to do it. I’ve thought about it for so long now that it just feels like something I’ll never accomplish, like something you’ve planned too much but you know will never happen. The though just doesn’t leave though and lately its been so much worse. I’m sick of trying to hide it, I’m sick of trying to not hurt other people. I’m hurting, I’m fucking hurting. Its like a constant pain that just doesn’t go away no matter how hard I try to kill it. Maybe the only way to kill it is to kill me.
I dislike when guys tell me they have feelings for me, or ask me out, or imply shit about being with me.
Its just like UGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I have issues with that shit. I don’t fucking see why they would even feel that way! Im seriously such a shitty and horrible person. I fucking hate myself so why should anyone like me?!
Lately, its like “hey, let’s tell Davina how I feel about her and ask her out.” month.
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!
>:[
if anyone decides to have feelings for me, decide against it.
Trust me.
/rant.
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