February 2011
“I tried to be cool and flip my hair back. But I hit my forehead on my book...”
– My sister Ariana. LOL.
420.
My lame sister wanted me to post this cuz she wanted the last three digits of my total posts to be 420. She is LAME. Lol.
Guys who try to be cool make me laugh.
*in body tone doing warm up stretches*
guy: *in the line next to me, looks at me and smiles* hey mami. What's your name?
Me: *looks at him and tries to keep my laughter in* hey. I'm Davina. *smiles* yours?
Guy: that's a pretty name. I'm Carlos. It's ordinary.
Me: thanks. Yeah it is. *laughs*
Carlos: how old are you?
Me: gonna be 18 this Friday. You?
Carlos: I don't give that out. I like to be mysterious.
Me: *laughs* ohh. Alright then.
guy: so you got a boyfriend?
Me: *thinking: oh gosh. One of those guys.* no I don't have one.
Carlos: ohh. That's what's up. You trying to change that? *smiles*
me: *laughs* well if the right guy comes along then sure.
Carlos: ahhh. You like messing with guys. Well what are you gonna do for your birthday?
Me: umm. Probably just go out with my mom. Nothing special.
Carlos: no party? Hit me up with them digits abd we can have a party. I'll show you a good time.
Me: oh wow. *laughs* umm. We'll see. Maybe.
Carlos: yup. You wanna kick it today or tomorrow after school?
Me: uhh. If we ever make plans then I'll think about it. *smiles*
Carlos: aight. *smiles* but forreals mami. Give me your number later and I'll hit you up.
Me: *laughs* if you can find me after school. *smiles*
Carlos: will do. *smiles*
LMAO. Lame! I avoided him the whole class period. After school I was telling my sisters about thus right when we passed him. I was like "OH SHIT!" lol. He waved and blushed. Oh geeeeeez. Lol.
Another thought.
I’m curious to see if you’ll talk to me tomorrow. Two. :|
On the bright side of things...
Today was pretty. The weather was almost perfect lol.
Formal was fun on Saturday. Stupid people ending it early. :/ but it’s ok cuz I enjoyed the time I had even though I was dateless lol. :)
Just a thought.
I think the reason as to why we act so awkward around each other when we’re near one another is because we don’t know how to act in front of each other now. Before we didn’t have to ACT, we just were; we were so used to each other that everything came naturally. Now, we have to TRY to act now that things are different; we can’t act the same way as before because of how our...
“When you’re already low, every stupid little mistake, every silly little...”
– Aidan Chambers, “This Is All”
January 2011
Crying.
Crying is a daily habit of mine. :| I want to cry so bad right now. I wanted to earlier in school. It’s always at school that I want to cry. Never fails. :/ I hate feeling this way. :(
I bet you don't know how much that ONE night, that...
I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Actually, I believe it’s a good thing. It just tells me how much I care for your well-being still. Yeah, what was said that night pops in my head whenever and makes me sad, but I’m grateful you told me. I told you that and I really mean it. Who cares if you didn’t tell me then, I like the fact that you trusted me...
Interrupt.
Me: *on tumblr, feels my phone vibrate more than three times meaning it's a call* what?
Mom: *starts talking for much too long about nothing really*
me: umm ok. Are you done? You interrupted me when I was on tumblr.
Mom: oh gosh! You and tumblr again. You're always on that thing!
Me: tumblr is AMAZING! That's why you need to get me a better phone so I can go on it all the time.
Mom: yeah righttttt.
Me: no, really. Are you done?
Mom: I guess. Call Kayla then call me back.
Me: ok, bye.
I'm not calling her back lol. I had my little sister call Kayla and told her to call my mom. Mothers, I swear.
Guys. Can't live with em, can't live without em.
Blah blah blahhhhhhh.
I hate that I have so much to write about when I’m not on tumblr. But when I am on here, I forget everything and draw a blank. :| annoys me all the time.
Have a possible date for prom already. :)
MAYBE though.
"This Is All"
I find it weird how this book was written by a guy and is about everything a girl feels, experiences, her thoughts, etc, on life. Like, how would he know that kind of stuff? He must have done a lot of researching lol. In all, I enjoy this book. :)
My sarcastic laugh:
Heemee heemee heemee. (just faster, in a sorta high voice, and more ‘heemee’s’).
LOL. My sisters try to copy me and make fun of me. FAIL. :D
That's all the quotes I have written down.
Good book. I can relate to some stuff. :) I’ll post more quotes as I read on.
“When feelings turn against you, can you trust yourself? Can you trust others?...”
– Aidan Chambers, “This Is All”
“Man is afraid to attain what he longs for, just as subconsciously he longs for...”
– Aidan Chambers, “This Is All”
More quotes from my book: :)
“Why do I always think I should think something about everything? Why do I want to know so much- no, not KNOW. What? Be AWARE OF? Be CONSCIOUS OF? Yes, that’s it. I want to be CONSCIOUS of everything. I don’t know why. But I do I do I do. I want to be conscious of EVERYTHING. And I hope that one day, I will understand why.”
- Aidan Chambers, “This Is...
I can't believe that was brought up today.
I felt bad. :( I’m sorry.
I was just reading a book and this caught my eye.
“What you can’t have, you pretend you don’t want. What you long for the most, you scorn the most.”
Good talk last night.
I’m really glad it happened. :) thank you for telling me, it meant a lot. :) I just wish I could have comforted you like you should have been. But thanks anyways. :)
Bummer.
So I told Rj that he didn’t have to go with me to formal but he insisted he wanted to so that was that. Thing is, I asked Mrs. Birakos if he could go since he goes to Lathrop One, and she said no. :/ huge disappointment for me. I was REALLY looking forward to going with him. :/ oh well. Then Mrs. Birakos and I had a whole conversation via text about how I’ve made her sad by the things...
Bye Internet (at least tumblr) until Monday.
:(
I think...
I’m gonna tell my date for formal that he doesn’t have to go with me.
My reasons:
1) he lives in Weston Ranch and I don’t want my mom driving everywhere.
2) because he doesn’t go to LHS, I’m unsure if he’ll actually get his formal contract signed.
3) I don’t even know if he’s even able to go cuz his grades.
4) we dont know each other that well....
Emotional wreck.
That’s what I am.
It’s like no matter how hard I try to express myself, I can’t get it out right. I can’t even begin to tell you how this post doesn’t completely reflect how I feel about this.
Yeah I tell the very few how I feel with my stupid tears that come along but I can’t make them understand. Soooo I keep everything balled inside until it’s too...
"Things will work out"
I still can’t make myself believe it. It’s so hard to believe it when everything has been going wrong.
I like meeting new people.
:) today I met five new people. :) lol but I just forgot a few of their names lol. Anyways I met this guy in baskin robbins who only had one leg. He had a chihuahua named Lesley. So cute. :) the other four were freshmen in core pe. We just started talking and that’s how that went. :)
Yup. Meeting new people is awesome. :)
Cute guys work at starbucks.
;)
The only bad thing about them (that I’ve noticed) is that they smoke. EWW. But they’re still way cute. Eye candy! Lol. :)
My mind is good at thinking about the worst of things. And no matter how hard I try to shake those horrible feelings away, I can’t. :(
I pray to God for one thing. Every day it’s the same thing but every day I feel like I’m undeserving; I’ve done sins over & over. That’s the part that makes me question “Why should He do something for me when I can’t always follow ten simple ones?” I get so irritated with myself. All I want is ONE thing and with the one thing, i feel like I can do...
Formal.
Looking forward to it but then again I’m not. Gotta find someone to go with so it’ll be way more fun. I don’t like the task of finding someone lol.
Hmmm. Well I’m off to think of who to ask.
Toodles. :)
My phone doesn't get tumblr on it. :/
That sucks ass big time. So I have to wait til my mom gets me a new one. Maybe for my birthday. :) I’m bored on facebook and tumblr is awesome so yeahhh.
I need a phone that I can get on here. :)
I love Baldwin! :D (not in the 'i'm in love with...
He gave me a D- in calculus instead of the F that I originally had. :) that made my day yesterday.
I love him. :) lol.
Today, all I wanted to do was cry.
I’m always emotional but I hide it every.gosh.darn.day. It’s just different things that bother me, things that cross my mind, things that fuck me up. Actually, I did cry today in body tone; I was quiet and Kevin asked what’s wrong…they just came pouring out. :/
Blahhhh. I hate my emotions. This was a stupid post. Whatever. :|
Let's do some catching up, shall we? :)
• To start with things, my great grandma’s funeral was nice. :) I had a lot of teary moments but that’s expected lol. Umm. Oh! My two year old nephew (Izzac) saw her in the casket and was like “Gamma seeping.” and pointed to her. It was cute but sad.
• I saw my dad Sunday after like two years. Not under the circumstances I would have like but it was nice seeing him. Of...
I have to go to school tomorrow dressed in black.
I dislike wearing black. It makes me feel even more depressed. :(
Blahhhh.
I think I’m going to go into college ‘undecided’ cuz my mind is constantly changing. Stupid mind. :|
I feel like giving up. :(
I’m tired. I’m done. I’m fed up. I can’t stand it anymore. I give up.
Well, I can say this about today:
Pretty. FUCKING. Horrible.
You act/talk to me like a jerk when other people...
But when it’s just us, you’re your normal self. Just know that it hurts when you do that to me. A lot.
New things going on:
(so I don’t have to make a bunch of smaller posts) :)
• mom said I could cut my A-Line shorter in February. :D I’m gonna take senior pictures I guess. :) I LIKE short hair on me. :)
• I’m confused. About a lot. College, myself, what I wanna do, people in my life, etc. I wish I had all the answers. But I don’t, of course. :/
• I REALLY, REALLY wanna read minds and see...
Adriana was laughing at me for the way I said...
She hecka started laughing and copied me. :P I didn’t think I said it as funny as she sounded. Lol. :)
So my great grandma did die after all.
She died on thursday January 6. Great, long life. She’s in a better place now. :)
Kevin said I throw a basketball like a fairy.
:| LOL. :)
I have an issue with yelling.
For no reason.
Sometimes I’ll get mad real easily and it’ll just come out. Or I’ll yell when I’m just talking.
I think it’s all the sadness, anger, and frustration I’ve been holding in for so long. Sigh. I don’t know but it kinda bothers me. :/
Funerals.
Always make me cry, even when I didn’t even know the person that well. I’m just a wimp when it comes to things like that. Well, the point of this post is about my great grandma. It’s finally her time to leave this earth after being here for 95 years. I’m sad cuz she’s cool. I remember a couple thanksgivings ago, we were making tamales together early in the morning....